i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
