U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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