i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
