I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
