I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
