they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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