awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
