is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
