It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
