I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
