sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
