Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
