I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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