well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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