she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
