I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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