First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
