Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
