We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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