i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
