Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
