I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
