You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
