If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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