Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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