Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
