Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize