i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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