my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
