I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
