Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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