you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
