omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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