Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize