I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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