Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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