he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
