i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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