I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
