some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
