I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
