I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
