So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
