Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
