Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

she is the kim kardashian of front butts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

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(679): View more from Michigan

You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.

(679): View more from Michigan

You really are best friends.

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(716): View more from New York

I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.

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(940): View more from Texas

I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.

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