when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
