brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
