shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
