he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize