we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
