ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
