I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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