So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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