I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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