I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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