this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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