I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
