love makes seman taste better
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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