i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize