I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize