I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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