i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
