So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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