On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
