apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
