I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
