so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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