You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
