Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
